another great divide

top five awful bands with great names

5. Wham!
Unadulterated enthusiasm.

4. My Chemical Romance
Some may disagree with me here, but I think this name screams promise. I want to state for the record I'm not so much agreeing with the "My" (after My Bloody Valentine, no one gets to do that anymore - and god, is there anyone that the name "My Morning Jacket" doesn't annoy?) as the "Chemical Romance." Too bad putting those two words together was the best poetry this band ever came up with.

3. The Killers
Their first album came out in 2004. How did a better band not already have this name by then?!

2. Creed
It's simple, it's memorable, it says who they are. It's even kinda cheesy... just like... well, never mind.

1. The Rolling Stones
Okay, maybe not an awful band, but certainly one of the most overrated bands of all time. What an iconic name though.


top five great bands with awful names

5. U2
They're named after a spy plane? It's a shitty pun? It's just plain fucking meaningless? This band, which has released some of the most sweepingly thematic and insightful music I've ever heard, deserves a better name.

4. Split Enz
Even before you get to the Z at the end, you're already naming your band after a fairly unprofound phenomenon. Why guys? Why?

3. Death Cab for Cutie
A couple of problematic elements here. First is the trend of naming your band after a song by a better band. I hate that. Second, it completely misrepresents the band's tone and image. (And yes, their cover of This Charming Man aside, they do qualify as a great band in my book.)

2. Barenaked Ladies
The band: Masters of painful ironic comedy and imagistic songwriting. The name: schoolyard immaturity.

1. Beatles
It's a pun for fuck's sake! Don't tell me it's not, I know a pun when I see one!


(For the record, the worst band name of all time is "...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead." I fell asleep three times typing that.)

some door to open

It might be shallow, but having a record store owner rant about one of your picks when you go to check out is one of the purest joys of geekery.

should've known better

Despite (or perhaps because of) the consciousness of my musical fandom, I tend to be remarkably insulated from that segment of modern music that is reflected in mainstream radio and the tastes of high school students. While this is usually a mercy, it does mean that the occasional piece of crucial information will escape my notice. This is why it only recently came to my attention that Seether, a group whose musical crimes extend back to the days when I was woefully engaged in their musical sphere, currently has a cover of Careless Whisper in circulation.

A bit of background: My cousin PK and I have, for several months now, been indulging in the music of Wham! (whose exclamation point is less an affectation and more a grammatical necessity). The ironic nature of these listening exercises dwindles by the moment - the fourth time in a weekend that one intentionally exposes themself to Young Guns, it becomes difficult to uphold the alibi that their enjoyment is anything less than sincere. Technically, we have a strong dislike for George Michael, and deservedly so; his music is terrible. Nonetheless, our veneer of cynicism has become strained, to say the least.

Back to the topic at hand. You would think that a bad cover of a song that I enjoy for its badness would be doubly delightful. However, Seether's concoction is somehow anything but - it's bad in the wrong way, a way we never offered our complicity. It's a goddamn Wham! song guys, you don't improve on it by adding melodrama. The appeal is the cheese, trying to be serious with this material is like doing a coffee shop reading of Dr. Seuss. Observe how Exile (whose theme song for Street Fighter IV has become another guilty pleasure) gets it right.

And with that, I think I've exposed myself to enough shame for today.

there's a record that I love to play

Okay, so here's the story of what exactly I mean when I say that my mom made me become a Kings of Leon fan.

The thing is, no matter how good a band is, there's a danger zone that exists if I've known who they are for more than six months or so and never gotten around to making a definite buying decision. Sometimes something reminds me, the band catches my attention again, escapes the danger zone and becomes a part of my collection. Part of the team, if you will. Other times the sense of urgency burns out before I act upon it, and they fall into quicksand never to be heard from again. I first heard Kings of Leon in 2006 (I think). They were interesting and catchy, but their lyrics didn't make a lasting first impression and they didn't end up getting bought. They hung in there though, somewhere in the back of my mind. This weekend, because the local bookstore chain was liquidating their music inventory, and consequently selling CDs at huge discounts, my mother offered to buy an album for me. I love music and I'm broke, so it should have been a fairly easy decision, but fifteen minutes later I was still looking through the picked-over music rack without success. (This sensation must be familiar to some of you... where you know you want to buy something, but every time you think of a good candidate, you look and it isn't there... yeah.) Mom comes up carrying a copy of Youth & Young Manhood, thinking the title (which incidentally is a Hemingway quote) is hilarious, for reasons I still don't entirely understand. Imagine her surprise when I said "Yes! Great idea!" She hadn't been serious, and then she couldn't tell if I was serious, and it was a very bizarre moment, but it concluded with me and the first two Kings of Leon albums together in a sort of weird happy ending.

other business:
If you don't already know about Barry Manilow's cover of "Never Gonna Give You Up," check the video out on Youtube. Good lord is that man chipper.

Find a way to listen to Doris Day's 1950s hit "A Guy is a Guy" and be terrified. Also on that note, Dean Martin's "Standing on the Corner." Yikes.

time is running out

Well, there have been no new answers for about a week, so for the edification of my readers:

3. This Charming Man - The Smiths

5. A Scale, A Mirror, and Those Indifferent Clocks - Bright Eyes [honestly, congratulations to everybody for not knowing this song]

7. Wandering Star - Portishead

9. The Background - Third Eye Blind [where was J-Verb on this one?!]

10. You Are The Everything - REM [readers will recognize this as one of the top 5 most underrated REM songs]

12. China Girl - David Bowie

14. Wet Sand - Red Hot Chili Peppers

19. Passing Afternoon - Iron & Wine

20. Sing for Absolution - Muse [as trendy as Muse is these days, I'm surprised this one went unanswered. I know at least six people that own this album.]

24. Anyone Can Play Guitar - Radiohead

25. She's Lost Control - Joy Division

26. Veronica - Elvis Costello

is it all in that pretty little head of yours?

Note: A few people have reported being unable to post comments on this entry, and have sent their answers to me via email. (This especially seems to happen to people who sign their comments via AIM.) All comments are approved by me before they're published, but if it seems that a reasonable amount of time has passed and your comment isn't appearing, it's possible that it never got through the system to me. Feel free to use email as a solution to this problem.

Since the last lyrics game generated some attention, but not until it was already over, we're gonna try it again. First lines from 25 random songs (selected by my iTunes library on shuffle), eliminated when someone guesses correctly, with credit to that person. That's how they do it on Facebook. The title of this post will be a line from song #26.

1. now I don't hardly know her, but I think I could love her (Crimson and Clover - Tommy James & The Shondells, credit to Dad)

2. so I look in your direction, but you pay me no attention do you? (Shiver - Coldplay, credit to JZ)

3. punctured bicycle, on a hillside desolate

4. you know that it would be untrue (Light My Fire - The Doors, credit to JZ)

5. here is a scale, weight it out and you'll find easily...

6. hot august night (Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show - Neil Diamond, credit to Dad)

7. please could you stay awhile to share my grief?

8. rows and flows of angel hair (Both Sides Now - Joni Mitchell, credit to JZ)

9. everything is quiet since you're not around

10. sometimes I feel like I can't even sing

11. I think I've already lost you (If You're Gone - Matchbox 20, credit to JZ)

12. I could escape this feeling

13. hey you creeps, punks and freaks (Virus - KMFDM, credit to Sean)

14. my shadow's side so amplified

15. and I'd give up forever to touch you (Iris - Goo Goo Dolls, credit to Alex)

16. estuans interius ira vehementi, estuans interius ira vehementi, Sephiroth! (A One-Winged Angel - Nobuo Uematsu, credit to Sean)

17. love, I get so lost sometimes (In Your Eyes - Peter Gabriel, credit to Kinks)

18. city dweller, successful fella (Country House - Blur, credit to PK)

19. there are times that walk from you

20. lips are turning blue

21. all those bugs buzzing around your head (Buggin' - The Flaming Lips, credit to Alex)

22. I don't drink coffee, I take tea my dear (Englishman in New York - Sting, credit to Don)

23. we move like cagey tigers (The Lovecats - The Cure, credit to Sean)

24. destiny, destiny protect me from the world

25. confusion in her eyes that says it all

Obviously instrumentals and songs in languages other than the one this blog is written in (except for 16, which I couldn't resist) were skipped. I also skipped any song by an artist that had already been represented, or any song that was used in the previous game. As chance would have it, some of these are pretty damn obvious, so don't cheat.

all their wars are merry

Top 5 Irish Songs (traditional):

5. The Wild Rover
Like most of the songs on this list, The Wild Rover stimulates the listener's sense of irony first and foremost. It's a popular pub song about a penitent guy who swears he's given up drinking and rambling, and then proceeds to carry on incoherently about all the good times he used to have in bars. As you will surmise, his sincerity is questionable.
only in jest

4. Finnegan's Wake
Again with the irony, which is at its most subtle (which isn't saying much) in the fact that Finnegan isn't even dead at the end, and at its most direct in the chorus line "lots of fun at Finnegan's Wake." Adapted by artists ranging from James Joyce to Dropkick Murphys for any number of diverse yet uniformly foul purposes, the song's continuing popularity is self evident.
a row and a ruction soon began

3. Whiskey You're The Devil
A song that combines two important traditions of Irish music, the ode to the drink, and the military march. Whiskey You're The Devil is known for its sing along chorus (I saw a play once that required it of the audience) that begins with the titular declaration, but ends "whiskey, you're me darling, drunk or sober," and is considered appropriate for the entire family in nearly any social situation.
sweeter, stronger, decenter

2. Eleanor Plunkett
A hauntingly beautiful harp-based tune by Ireland's revered composer Turlough O'Carolan, this song epitomizes, to me, the softer, more elegant side of Irish traditional music. Though sometimes more known for the drinking songs and comedic ditties, the true adherents of this music are often more interested in its more thoughtful, poetic traditions; its songs of mourning, and of longing.

1. The Irish Rover
And on that note I return to the raucous, and to the ironic: an upbeat and catchy tune about a glorious ship that sinks, killing everyone aboard (save the narrator). Despite that, it's an incredibly fun song, and one that has been appreciated by numerous modern bands.
fighting Bill Tracy from Dover

Part II: Top 5 Irish Songs (modern):

5. Theme from Harry's Game - Clannad
Mystical, ethereal, ponderous, yet also carrying very grounded political motivations. This is the essential Clannad track, and holds many of the virtues that have become popular in modern Irish music in general.

4. The Fields of Athenry - Pete St. John
A tale of crime and punishment with strong political undertones (listen, it's all politics from here on out), told with incredibly clear images and potent emotions. Despite its broad appeal and iconic status, this is an intimate song, a lament between lovers. It is this balance that makes the song a classic.
we had dreams and songs to sing

3. Dirty Old Town - Ewan MacColl
A charming song of earnest reminiscence, with lyrics that are part nostalgia, part rebellion and part imagist poetry. Though it has become ingrained in Irish culture, and associated with Irish music, I should confess that is not actually an Irish song, as its author is of Scottish decent, and it refers to a town in England. This should be the only one like that that slipped in; I was tempted to use Fairytale of New York (see my earlier entry on duets) again, but I figured that a song by a London based band about an American city would be going too far. Incidentally, that song's female vocalist Kirsty MacColl is the daughter of this song's author.
a big sharp axe

2. The Town I Loved So Well - Phil Coulter
Another bittersweet mixture of nostalgia and political outrage, Coulter places his good memories side by side with the bad, creating a movingly real experience for the listener. Rich detail, plainspoken and forthright emotion and palpable anger make this an epic of modern Irish music.
what's lost is lost and gone forever

1. Danny Boy - Fred Weatherly
Again, not actually written by an Irishman, but a song so pervasively associated with Irish identity that its assent to this space on the list is very nearly obligatory. It also helps that I like it a lot...
though soft you tread

By the way, does anybody else have an irrational hatred of Freezepop? I heard an interview with them on NPR the other day and was interested for the first few minutes, because quite frankly I hate so many bands that I had honestly forgotten that this was one of them, until those two brats started talking. I say it's an irrational hatred because it really has very little to do with their music per se, but I guess something about imitating artists I love and then intentionally marketing your music to people who have never heard of the real thing just ticks me off.

outside my window, the world has gone to war

out of sorrow, entire worlds have been built
out of longing, great wonders have been willed

In spite of their outward appearance of dereliction, new posts are in the works for both this and the other blog. Seriously.